As a holding space consultant with Institute for The Study of Birth, Breath, and Death, I support others to explore the deeper meaning of difficult emotions and grief that get stored in the body through greater attunement. I have learned that turning towards these painful emotions rather than away from them is the best medicine to truly heal. So, we can shift out of merely “surviving” to fully thriving.
So, what if we could hold space for grief and gratitude simultaneously?
What if invoking a sense of gratitude during our painful experiences in life was actually medicine for the soul? So, we learn how to go beyond self-care into the heart of soul-care?
David Kessler, grief expert and author of the book “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief” writes about what it looks like to find meaning beyond our grief allowing it to become a rich and fulfilling component of our lives. He writes “In the sixth stage we acknowledge that although for most of us grief will lessen in intensity over time, it will never end. But if we allow ourselves to move fully into this crucial and profound sixth stage - meaning – it will allow us to transform grief into something else, something rich and fulfilling.”
I love the idea of going beyond the traditional five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance into finding deeper meaning. I believe this is a central part of our soul’s healing journey. As a Certified Integrative Health Coach and Holding Space Consultant, I support women in midlife struggling with chronic health issues and feeling exhausted, stuck, and emotionally overwhelmed to transform their health and reclaim their life. What makes my coaching practice unique is that I incorporate emotional healing and grief support into my work with clients.
This creates a powerful container for real transformation.
I have seen first-hand from my own life that healing our emotional wounds and turning towards our grief with “compassionate presence” is vital to living fully and thriving. When we have the courage to face our shadows and integrate the darker aspects of our lives into the whole picture, we emerge as a greater version of our true self. We discover emotional freedom. Our hearts soften. And our body starts to shift out of “dis-ease” into greater ease and flow with life. This creates room for gratitude to emerge for ALL aspects of our life.
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, author of the book “Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief” writes about the dynamic of contraction and expansion during the unfolding of grief. She writes “The natural course of grief, as in the rest of nature, is contraction-expansion-contraction-expansion-contraction-expansion – perhaps endlessly. Our emotions move – within us, through us, and between us. Disintegration comes first. Reintegration follows. A contraction allows an expansion. This is the wisdom of the universe, the wisdom of your body, the wisdom of your heart."
So, what if we can begin to cultivate a greater sense of gratitude in our grief and hold both of these energies together? So that we allow room for our soul to expand into something greater?
One of my favorite quotes by Francis Weller states “The work of the mature human being is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and be stretched large by these two things.” So beautifully stated. I believe when we are able to hold space for these two energies together, our lives transform as a result. We no longer feel the need to push against the natural flow, clinch tightly, and fall into “dis-ease.” Through softening into gratitude, we learn to allow the deeper meaning of grief to move through us, crack our hearts open, and alchemize our painful emotions into something greater.
We begin to trust life.
Knowing that we are deeply held in safety, love, and support by a higher power. We simply need to discover the courage to feel ALL of our emotions. Trusting in our body’s wisdom to guide us.
I have found this growth-oriented mindset to be the biggest game-changer in transforming my health and reclaiming my life. To shift out of “surviving” to fully thriving. I know first-hand that true healing is possible!
I ran across the term “post-traumatic growth” a while back and love the meaning of this concept. In the article, the author states "The process of post-traumatic growth is more like rewriting a novel than like solving a problem or healing a wound. It’s a process of reconsidering and reorganizing — crafting a different story. This is one of those tasks, which most of us have to perform a few times over a life, that nobody teaches you about in school."
In other words, when we hold space for grief and gratitude simultaneously, we are able to rewrite our story and grow from our traumatic experiences. We cultivate the capacity to create deeper meaning making and alchemize ALL of our life experience into pure gold. Even the difficult falls, losses, heartbreak, and adversity we encounter along the way.
I am so honored and privileged to hold space for others as they walk through their grief and attune to these emotions in the body. It is not about “fixing” or “curing” or trying to change anything. It is simply showing up with compassionate presence, curiosity, and holding a safe and loving container where the magic occurs. Knowing the body carries deep wisdom.
My intention is to invoke the “inner healer” in all of my clients each and every time we hold space. I believe we all have an inner healer that lives inside of us waiting to emerge and work magic in our lives.
So, when you reflect on holding space for grief and gratitude in your own life, notice what images come forth? What does it inspire in you? Pay attention to these subtle images and trust your intuition. Knowing that you have the capacity to move beyond self-care into the heart of soul-care as you are stretched large by these two energies.
Sending you love as you transform your pain into purpose and emerge into your beautiful magnificence!
